Leila's Story: learning about the wedding
by Fictionlover2005
Summary: While receiving treatment Leila learns of the ultimate betrayal- Christian has married Ana. One-Shot. Continuation of Leila's Story.


A/N: I received a request to add to Leila's story, specifically when and how she learns and reacts to the news that Christian and Ana have married. I found the idea intriguing and since it wasn't a particularly long piece of writing I gave it a go.

I stare out the window just watching the rain fall in wonderfully cleansing sheets. I love the rain I always have. I've, for as long as I can remember, fantasied that running through it would cleanse me of my sins and shame. Unfortunately that is just not the way things work. The rain is rare here and I treasure it when it does come, it reminds me of the only place I'd ever considered my home, Seattle. I sigh sadly knowing I am not permitted to return there, it is one of the conditions of my stay here and the help I've been offered, to get back on my feet, when I am finally ready to leave this place, whenever that should be. I've been here a little over a month and while I know I should be grateful, it's just not that easy...

I know I suffer from mental illness and I know I need help just as I know that of all the places I've been stashed away in this one has the highest chance of actually succeeding in actually receiving some actual results. I certainly can't complain about the accommodations, it looks more like a country spa retreat than the private mental health facility it really is. Its obvious Master...uhhh, I mean Mr. Grey has spared no expense in seeing that I receive the help I need. But none of this changes the fact that I am fighting against their help every step of the way. I don't want to believe in their reality. I don't want to let go of, what they call my delusion, my relationship with Sir. I don't want to accept that he does not love me the way I love him. I don't want to acknowledge that he has found someone else, whom he loves with his entire being. But most of all I just don't want to feel the pain of a completely broken heart. Besides, the way I see it is if he really didn't have feelings for me I would be in jail right now not this uber expensive clinic.

I am not sure how long I've been staring out the window before I turn away and move to the room in my private suite that I've turned into my art studio. I pick up my brush and lose myself in my art until a knock on my door alerts me to the arrival of the nurse, no doubt here to give me afternoon pills. I put my brush down and take a close look at what I've just painted, which guy did my mind choose to concentrate on today? I sigh when I see that it is Him... the man who still owns my heart, Christian fucking Grey. I turn it over quickly, not wanting to look at his face right now and walk over to the nurse who has come, as expected, to deliver my medications. I am annoyed to see it is Nurse Riley as she is the one nurse I can't hide the pills from; she will not leave until she is 100 % sure I've taken them.

I hate taking the medications I've been prescribed; I don't like the way they make me feel. I am not stupid, I know without them I am inevitably plagued by the voices and the delusions but they make me feel numb and fuzzy. They take away the creative streak that allows me to paint and right now my art is the only thing I have. When it comes to the other nurses its fairly easy to get away with only pretending to take the pills, but with Nurse Riley I swear its like she can read my mind. I guess that is the reason she has been the one to deliver my pills more and more as of late. Resigning myself to the fact that there is no use in even trying to get away with not taking them I just do as I'm told. Once she's checked that I have in fact swallowed the pills she turns to leave the room after informing me that a last minute session has been scheduled with my head shrink, Dr. Flynn, in half an hour.

In all the time I've been here I've never received a summons for an unscheduled session and even though I know I shouldn't let my mind travel that path it does anyway... Master must finally be here to visit. I know he's told me he doesn't love me back just as I know from my various therapists that he wants no personal involvement in my treatment or life, but I still can't let go of the hope that he misses me and will come to check up on me. What other reason could there be for Flynn to summon me this way?

Entering Flynn's office I am disappointed to see no one other than the good doctor himself. As I am asked to take my usual seat I consider that maybe he just wants to prepare me for Mr. Grey's visit before they permit me to see him? Flynn looks at me for a minute and just sighs, he knows exactly what I am hoping for. He's the only person I've ever known who could see right through me and I still hadn't decided whether I liked him or hated him for it.

"Leila, you need to let go of this idea you have that Christian Grey is going to suddenly show up and whisk you away into your fantasized happily ever after. You need to accept that he doesn't feel that way about you. You need to accept that the relationship you believed you had with him was not real but a delusion caused by your illness. Until you are able to do that you will never be able to truly distinguish between what is reality and what is a delusion nor will you be able to more forward with your life. I know it is hard but you have to make more of an effort if you want to leave this place; I can only take you so far, the rest you need to do on your own."

I look down at my hands knowing he is right, its just so hard to let go. I have spent so many years imagining what my life would be like as Christian's lover and wife and I am just not ready to give up on something that I've wanted more than anything else in the entire world. The medication they have managed to get into my system has forced me to see that the way Christian treated me versus the way he treated Ana leaves no doubt he loves her very deeply. But I still believe he loves me too. There were many moments during our time together when he didn't treat me like just a sub and that has to mean something... I just can't stop thinking that if he would only give me a chance he would see I could give him everything she can and more. If he would just open his eyes and see what has been in front of him for so long I know it would be me, and not her, he would look at as if I'd hung the moon and the stars. I am willing to change for him; I'd witnessed enough, while stalking them, to know she is not. She will never meet his needs for control.

Dr. Flynn sighed again at my silence, my refusal to acknowledge what he is trying to make me believe. "Leila..." I snap my head up at the trepidation in his voice. He is always so calm and confident but studying his face I can see he is fighting with himself about something and it sends a chill down my spine. "Leila," he starts again hesitantly, "I am not sure if what I am about to tell you is the right thing to do, I'm not sure your ready. However, lets be honest, we are not making any more progress here so as much as this is going to hurt you maybe its what you need to finally move forward." He pauses for a few seconds more, studying me before he pulls a folder out of his bag and sets it on the table in front of me.

It seems like such an innocent thing, a plain manila folder, but I know its not. I know this because I notice that there is a syringe, of what I don't know but suspect is a sedative of some sort, sitting on the table next to him. The room suddenly seems to get smaller and the air thicker as I stare at the folder in fear. I can't even say the words in my head but I have a strong suspicion of what that folder contains and I'd rather die than open it, but I reach for it anyway. If it contains what I think I need to face it head on because Flynn is right I need to move forward one way or another.

With shaking hands I open the folder and feel my heart break into a billion pieces as my eyes zero in on the headline of the newspaper clipping that is the first thing revealed, "Seattle's Most Eligible Bachelor is a a Bachelor No More: Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele have tied the knot in a secret ceremony at his parents estate." No, no, no... its too soon, I haven't had my chance to convince him that I am the one meant for him, not her.

I fight back the tears and the panic, maybe it is a lie; the media print lies all the time. My hands are shaking so badly now I can barely move on to the next document in the stack but when I do I wish more than anything I hadn't. It's a photo of the man I love standing at what is obviously an alter exchanging vows with none other than Ana Steele. Quickly I look through the rest of the folder's contains, all photos showing snapshots of their wedding from start to finish; her walking down the aisle in a breathtaking bespoke dress, the exchanging of rings, the first kiss, the first dance, them laughing as the clink their champagne glasses while leaning in to kiss, the cutting of the cake, and them heading off amongst cheers as man an wife.

I can't take it anymore and drop the photos on the floor in front of me tears pouring down my face. I want to believe this is just a joke, fake photos taken to make me jealous, but I know they are not. You can't fake the happiness, absolute joy, and love that radiates from them both in ever single fucking picture. I feel like I'm being torn apart as the truth finally hits me like a wrecking ball; he never loved me. What they have is not a fling, a novelty, or a way to make me or any of the other subs jealous... they are completely and entirely head over heals in love with each other. The looks captured on film are as clear as day, they share a deep and true love and any hope I still had that he would come back to me is exactly what everyone has been trying to tell me since I arrived here- everything I believed I had with him, the love I was sure we shared was nothing more than delusional wishful thinking.

I hear someone screaming and only in the smallest part of mind do I recognize that it is me... the pain is too much, its overwhelming. I just want to die. As I feel a pinch in my arm I beg whomever is possibly listening, God, the devil, the asshole doctors, the bitch nurses, even the lunatic patients to kill me. Please just kill me and put an end to this misery. The last thought I have before everything goes dark is that I no longer have a single thing to live for and if they will not put me down I will have to find a way to do it myself.

2 months later

I put down my paints and brush and study the painting I've just completed. It's taken me weeks to complete, the longest I've ever spent on a single painting and I smile with pride at what I accomplished. I think its one of the best I've ever done and Dr. Flynn and my parents seem to agree, I can only hope it is good enough as it is what will determine whether or not I will be accepted into art school when I finally leave this place and head back east to move back in with my parents.

A lot has changed in the past 6-7 weeks; we've finally found a medication that works (and doesn't have the extreme side effects) and I've been taking it religiously, I've worked harder than I ever have in my life in my sessions (both private and group), I've made some new friends, I've begun to repair my relationship with my parents, but most of all I've finally accepted the truth- Christian Grey never cared for me as anything more than an outlet for his frustrations. I was not what he needed and never would be, it was time to move on. I will not deny that the first week or two after receiving the news that he had married was one of the lowest points of my life. I refused to eat, drink, talk, or get out of bed and after two days of this behavior they had to sedate me and feed me with a tube. Flynn said that my mind just needed a rest, a re-boot of sorts, because when I finally came back things had changed for me. I guess in my forced sleep or whatever it was I found acceptance and the desire to move forward. I realized it was time to find myself and concentrate on finding a way to find my own happiness. I threw myself into getting better and began to make plans for the future, one of those being attending art school [a dream I'd had since a child but let go of to concentrate solely on pleasing the Dom's in my life].

I was no longer painting portraits of the men of my past but was instead putting to canvas my best and worst memories- the moments of my life that have made me who I am. I've decided to give up the lifestyle for good as I realized it just wasn't healthy for me and hoped that one day I would find a normal guy who could love me for me, just me. I wanted what Christian and Ana had, a love so strong it shone through every picture that had been taken of them (even the ones where it was obvious they had no idea they were even being photographed). But I also wasn't going to sit around and wish and wait for it, I was going to live my life. It helped when I learned last week that Christian has offered to cover the cost of my art school tuition as well as my living expenses and health care so long as I stayed in school, worked hard, and lived with my parents. I was beyond grateful as it was not something I deserved; I was also able to take it for what it is, a gift from a kind man who in finding true love also found his heart. I no longer have such delusions that it is secretly an act of love because it is not, I think he feels somewhat responsible for my break from reality and just wants to see me get better. I want to tell him that it was in no way his fault and to thank him for everything he's done for me but my requests to meet with him have been denied. It saddens me that he will not meet with me because I also just really want to see for myself, in person, that he is finally happy- but I understand why he won't. I'd probably do the same thing in his shoes. All I can hope is that someday he will permit my request or I will run into him so that I can finally find that last piece of closure that will allow me to face only the future and never again waste my time looking back.

A/N: I know some of you are probably not very happy with the way I depicted Leila in this one-shot and that is OK. To be honest when I began writing Leila's story I had every intention of going in a different direction than what I ended up writing. Before this excersise I considered her to be almost as bad as Elena, I hated her character... However, as I progressed through my tale I began to see her differently. She doesn't appear in the books often and as a result there is a lot open to interpretation by the reader. The more I thought about what did appear in the books and considered how and why she ended up where she did I found myself feeling quite sorry for her. The Leila that showed herself to me is not an evil or manipulating person like Elena, she is broken, suffering from obvious mental health issues, overwhelmed with insecurities and just needs someone to help her. But I know many others will disagree and that is 100% OK with me; in fact, one of my favorite things about reading fanfiction is seeing all the many different ways readers interpret the events and characters in the original book.


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